Hashtag

I try to judge people (since we absolutely must judge others, right?) based on what they do rather than what they say in a handful of characters, and certainly not based on what they hashtag.  You say you're a civil rights activist...a feminist...a humanitarian (seems like that last one should incorporate the first two, no?), I say cool.  But the proof is in the pudding.  Your actions will prove or disprove it, and they will indicate the things that you are for to a greater extent than telling me what you're against.  I'll instinctively assume you're against civil wrongs, misogyny and space alien invasion.

But since I spend FAR TOO MUCH time on Twitter, activism by hashtag is what I see plenty of these days.  I'm not against the principle exactly.  For the most part it does no harm even if often does no tangible good either.  A hashtag can raise awareness of a cause.  Fine, we're aware, what now?  I ask only two things of a hashtag to consider it constructive. 1) That it not be created to blanket insult a broad group of people which includes many individuals undeserving of the insult. 2) That the name of it accurately conveys the message.  Be specific. If you want to create a hashtag about basketball don't name it #sports #sportsinvolvingaball #thingsthatmakeyousweat.  Call it #basketball.

Recently a hashtag that caught on like wildfire was #YesAllWomen.  As this article neatly summarizes, the hashtag’s purpose was to "raise awareness of the effect of misogyny and sexism in the daily life of women". So far so good.  The article goes on to shoot down any complaints men might opt to voice about the hashtag.  It lists some reasonable complaints, some less reasonable ones, and a handful of ridiculous explanations for why men might be troubled by the tone of the more outlandish proclamations.  The goofy ones are good for a laugh but not in need of addressing. But is it fair to say that a man who walks the walk of feminism by being a good husband/father/colleague/person who is a respectful friend to women, nevertheless does not qualify as an ally to the cause because he thinks many of the statements made within the #YesAllWomen hashtag go too far and paint with too broad a stroke?

Not long ago a discussion broke out on Twitter about what women happened to be wearing when they were sexually assaulted.  It was a powerful social media moment, I thought.  A hashtag was probably used for it, though I don't recall what it was.  What I do remember is the point explicitly made that rape has nothing to do with how provocatively the victim was dressed or behaving.  The only requirements for a rape to take place are the presence of a rapist and a victim.  What beyond that causes rape?  I honestly don't know. I only know that rape isn't something men do.  It's something rapists do.  There is a world of difference between the two.  I found the discussion that evening to be an effective use of social media to confront ugly truths, even it if did devolve a bit towards the end with arguments breaking out over which journalists remarked on the group conversation properly and which did not.  No reasonable person felt insulted by the exchange.  Anybody who disagreed with the central argument and believes that certain outfits cause and justify rape is a monster best to be avoided.  The stories told that night were heart breaking and eye opening.

On the other hand, when awareness raising results in people cyber yelling at each other, all sides claiming to have been misunderstood, then I'm less inclined to declare that it was a complete success.  If you need to continually clarify what your point was, repeatedly explain what it is you didn't mean because you sure as hell seem to have implied it, then in my opinion a teachable moment has gone awry.  I don't believe the purpose of #YesAllWomen is to alienate those men about whom the complaints are not applicable and in whose direction the bile is not pointed. I get that #AllMen are not the target of ire.  Still, a fair number of men (such as this one who I believe makes several valid points despite a rather weak door opening anecdote) felt that they were unfairly hit in the crossfire.  They weren't looking for credit or acknowledgment as "nice guys".  They weren't asking for a trophy because they don't habitually view and treat women like pieces of meat.  They (and I include myself among them) simply felt that things had gotten out of hand and rather than being instructive and cathartic, the hashtag had become a runaway ball of negativity that didn't care who it ran over.  "Watch out grandpa!!!"  If a substantial number of people feel a hashtag went overboard, perhaps this is something to respectfully contemplate rather than being dismissive.  When I see someone comfortable with being insulted I wonder about their motivation.  Does he not want to make trouble by standing up for himself, or is his silence admission of a guilty conscience?

It ultimately comes down to the individuals jumping on board a movement rather than the hashtag itself. For any given tag there are those with legitimate commentary to share and those who see it as an opportunity to randomly bash based on gender/race/whatever. It's hard to filter one group out from the other when they are lumped together. But for good and not so good, that's precisely what a hashtag does.  That is the very intent.  A hashtag mashes voices together, makes no distinctions between the articulate and the incomprehensible, the compassionate and the bitterly furious, the fair minded and the stereotype promoters, the well meaning teachers and the blindly hurtful. There is no fix for this that I can think of other than what I started out with.  Judge individuals on a case by case basis.  Distinguish between those you loathe and those you love.  Even in the social media era, at root I believe most of us want to like each other.  I believe we can play nicely, and when a topic of disagreement is landed upon, manage to disagree in an agreeable manner. We can speak the truth without resorting to general slander.

I agree with this article that #YesAllWomen matters, just as I feel #BringBackOurGirls matters, and other movements carried out online as well. That doesn't mean everyone is deploying #YesAllWomen correctly and effectively, or that those who have something to say to the contrary don't deserve to be heard.  No conversation can take place when we tune each other out, nothing new can be learned.

Bottom line: If a man insults or degrades you, he isn't worthy of your respect. On the other hand, if a man feels insulted or degraded by you because you lumped him in with rapists and street harassers and guys with the bare minimum of home training, maybe he has earned the right by a lifetime of respectful attitude and actions to feel offended.  He'll probably get over it though, just in time for the next hashtag to drop.

Rivalry Revisited

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ESPN recently aired their latest 30/30 documentary about the famous/infamous Fab 5 team from Michigan. Their rivalry with Duke was by necessity a major area of focus. Jalen Rose talks about (and as producer he could of course include and exclude whatever he wished) his impression at the time that Duke recruited black players who were “Uncle Toms.” This didn’t go over well with at least one of those former Duke players – Grant Hill. So there was a little back and forth between them, none of it actually face to face, much of it sent indirectly towards the other rather than naming names. On Twitter Jalen wrote: “I didn’t say anything in the doc that I didn’t say to a players FACE”. Okay, not sure how this excuses the idiocy of his thought process. At best it gives him more “street cred”, something that a so called Uncle Tom would of course be sorely lacking. Jalen continued: “For those MOANING about how something or someone was portrayed in the doc note that it was FRAMED from 1991-1993 not 2011 #quit crying.”

The moaning Jalen Rose referred to was an Op Ed piece written by Grant Hill and published by the New York Times in rebuttal to characterizations made in the documentary. He speaks eloquently for himself so I won’t bother to do much summarizing - [Hill's own words]. Bottom line, Grant Hill does not agree with nor appreciate what Jalen Rose had to say. No surprise there. But what I did find somewhat alarming was people taking sides on Twitter, with a surprisingly robust amount on Team Rose. I’m not talking about people who thought Hill overreacted because Rose was expressing the way he felt in the distant past as a teen, not his current opinions as a grown man with public platform. It’s not entirely clear to what degree Jalen has changed his tune but I’ll take him at his tweet that the mentality was “framed from 1991-1993 not 2011”. No, I’m referring to people who believe that what Jalen Rose said and felt in 1991-1993 was then and is today still valid. Certainly if they think Rose was accurately describing Hill then they themselves describe countless African Americans in such manner. For what sins? Growing up in a two parent home? Getting a college degree? Or perhaps a degree is okay but better not be obtained from too “white acting” a college. Having a corporate job? Speaking in grammatically correct sentences? Writing eloquently? Marrying a white woman? Wait up, Grant Hill didn’t even do that last one. But surely he intends to one day dump Tamia for Kim Kardashian. That’s what Uncle Toms do, no? Perhaps I should have picked someone less ethnic than Kim to make a stronger point. Dame Judi Dench?

Grant Hill’s response may very well have been overkill, but I know why he reacted strongly and I’m glad he did. His rebuttal was not merely directed at Jalen Rose but at everyone who ever thought of him (or any other black person) in such a manner, including all those tweeters I just mentioned. What I read in his words is what I’ve always believed in my heart. There is no right or wrong way to be black. There’s no one way to be black at all. There’s simply being human in the best manner you can manage, regardless of your particular set of window dressing. Be who you are and don’t quietly let anyone disrespect you on account of it. But when they inevitably do, it will always say a whole lot more about them than it says about you.

Below are some thoughts I expressed on the matter one tweet at a time, with a few retweets of sentiments expressed by others sprinkled in. What’s your take?

Didn't see the Fab 5 documentary, just tweets about it. Only catching up now to controversial remarks by Jalen Rose & Grant Hill's response.


The concept that if u aren't "keeping it real", speaking mostly slang, dressing 4 opposite of success, classifies u as "Uncle Tom" must die.


I'm tired of black people beating up on black people for not being "black enough". Progress impossible if holding your own self back


The most devout Jew doesn't criticize another for being less Jewish. Super Italian doesn't diss another for not being Italian enough. But blacks…


Complexion adds a whole other layer of complexity. U can wear dashiki & afro & keep fist raised in air all day, but u light skinned? Denied.


As if people are selecting how much DNA from which branches of the humanity tree they wish to have. That's 5 yrs down the road, minimum


Melanin argument is at least tangible. Retarded, but tangible. Calling someone "not black" because they like to read & excel at math? WTF?!


No people are more bigoted against black people than certain black Americans. There, I said it. It's factual. I see proof on here EVERY DAY.


Just let people be whoever it is they happen to be. If they're not personally f'ing with you, their mode of existence isn't your concern.


p.s.- White people are way less preoccupied w/ keeping blacks down than you may believe. Most people of all races are simply looking out for selves.


And by "selves" I don't mean members of same race. I mean you look out for your own damn self, then your family, then out from there.


You give the biggest white bigot a choice between doing something racist for hell of it or accepting $100, cash gets snatched 9 of 10 times.


And that's the biggest bigot I'm talking about. Most of you have been lucky enough never to have actually met that A-hole, whoever he may be.


So in the words of my man Spike Lee - WAKE UP. After that, get smart & get paid. After that, give back to your community & world at large.


And as you'll see if you check out tweets by @ClarenceGaines2 most know zilch about Uncle Tom & are insulting incorrectly. READ A BOOK!!!


Surely there are black men out there named Tom who have nephews & nieces. Does this pose a problem for them?


RT @ToureX Grant notes that in the doc Jalen leaves it unclear what he now feels about Black Dukies. His tweeted "clarification" isn't clarifying much.


RT @rodimusprime: Uncle Tom thing is more abt class at this point than it is about race.
To which I replied - Name 1 white man not named Tom ever called Uncle Tom


Fact: No man of any race ever felt badly about being called an Uncle Nate Dogg. Simply implies improved quality by mere presence.


RT @LLCoolChels Bottom line is GH has a right to respond and defend who he was THEN and where he came from just like JR has a right to tell his story.


There is no intelligent explanation for an ignorant opinion. "I was young & misinformed" is the best anybody has ever come up with.


I'm older but not any wiser is a particularly poor argument.


Calling someone an "Uncle Tom" is not matter of perspective (as I just saw somebody categorize it) in most cases, just plain wrong.


RT @Brandale2221 As a Person who has been labeled BOTH an Uncle Tom & a COON .. both by black folks...IMO the problem is how we label ourselves.


To all those tweeps out there raising your kids in two parent households or being raised in one yourself, keep Tomming.


RT @BritniDWrites Folks shld be happy Rose is able to articulate his past hurt & isn't knocking somebody upside the head cuz he can't express his emotions.
To which I replied - Interesting point. I suppose a documentary is slightly less blunt than a bat upside the head.

John Mayer sings the blues with foot in his mouth

Below are my thoughts, originally stated on Twitter, about John Mayer's controversial statements in his interview with Playboy.

In an interview with Playboy, singer John Mayer said "My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart & a fuckin’ David Duke cock" when asked about his interest in black women. Here’s a link to the full interview - http://bit.ly/bcSP6T

John Mayer doesn’t owe me an apology for being an A-hole. But he does owe me the $5 back that I spent on bootleg of his 1st CD

Plenty of black people on here can only love other blacks. Plenty of whites can only love only whites. I find them all idiots but live & let live.

If you are able to find the humanity in another person, potential for attraction is there. If you can't see the humanity, such potential is vanquished.

To those so blinded by love for John Mayer that they don't "get" uproar over his Playboy interview, let me explain. Yes, it's true that nobody cares if he's attracted to/dates black women or not. That isn't what has gotten anyone upset. What's disturbing is John Mayer's inability to express who he is or isn't attracted to w/o bringing David Dukes, head of the KKK, into it. Do you get it now?

I'm guessing maybe Mayer was drunk or on something when doing Playboy interview. It’s one thing to think something, another to say it aloud. And if you depend on people buying a product you create to make a living, it doesn't seem wise to cause animosity where none previously existed. Nice move Mayer.

This is a “taken out of context” world we live in. People often get their news in sound bite flashes. So to those who say Mayer’s quote was taken out of context I say if you haven't read the full interview, you’re probably in the majority. This means all you have to go by are Mayer’s quoted words, and they aren’t very melodic.

Based on his persona I'm prepared to accept Mayer was trying to be funny in his own way. But common sense should dictate when not to go THERE.

You don't say something like what Mayer did without desire to alienate, even if it’s subconscious, even if you later try to hide behind "I was just playing".

I don't see Mayer getting an immediate pass from people regardless of their race who aren't “fans” of racism. Those who love the guy blindly will continue to do so. Eventually just about everyone will forget all about it. He’s one hit song or relationship with fellow celebrity away from giving most of us amnesia.

When Bill Clinton made questionable remarks during primaries I gave him a partial pass because I saw it was from desire to fend for his wife. Mayer has no such excuse.

There are about 7 billion ways to say who you're attracted to and who you aren't particularly attracted to w/o offending a single soul.

The real problem isn't really when those who have made one decent album make ignorant remarks. The problem is when those elected to run this country do. But still, not helpful.

In case Robin Thicke and John Mayer were grappling over the white boys with decent black fan base title, I'd say Thicke is about to pull way ahead.

btw - I personally don't strongly connect artists to their art as a rule. If writer/painter/film maker/etc. is genius, personal life doesn't change my opinion about that.

So although he may quite possibly be an A-hole (or else someone with serious explaining to do), I'll always dig Your Body is a Wonderland.

If I still shake my ass to old school R. Kelly and sing along to best of Chris Brown, I'd be hypocrite supreme for boycotting Mayer's music. But there's a very good chance that all three of these guys mentioned are serious A-holes.

What struck me regarding Mayer’s controversial remarks was that he brought up the subject of his relationship to black folk, not the interviewer.

He chose to describe himself as "very", then said that's why black people love him (they do? All of them? Really?). He could have stopped right there. Instead Mayer rambled about having vs. not having a "hood pass", so interviewer asked about his collaborations with black musicians, not women.

Mayer proceeds to talk about definition of being black, as if there is such a thing, as if he's an authority on the subject. Interviewer then brings up black women, asking if they throw themselves at him like white women presumably do. Mayer could've given simple yes or no answer but instead - "My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart & a fuckin’ David Duke cock".

So taking all of this into consideration, no, I do not give Mayer a pass for his moronic offensive statements. That said, he comes off in the interview more insecure and self centered and god complex having (pretending to be humble is the best way to brag btw) then white supremacist.

A couple points I’d like to make. 1) If Mayer was only attracted to / comfortable with black women over white & brought up David Dukes to make this point, he is equally an a-hole. 2) If Mayer was black & brought up Dukes to explain exclusive attraction to EITHER black or white women, he's equally an a-hole.

Are black women now going to start throwing themselves at John Mayer to make him change his mind? I'm guessing no, but one never knows, do one?

It's possible that John Mayer has come up with the most brilliant way to make sistas chase him of all time. We want most what we can't have.

Dear @johncmayer – You are in a unique position to hook up with countless women. I highly recommend you diversify & grow up. Just avoid Tila Tequila.

Next thing you know we'll be finding out that Adam Lambert isn't attracted to ANY women. I don't think I could handle that. :-)

To those who say Mayer's intent wasn't foul, just his phrasing, I say all words can either be benign & malignant. Phrasing determines effect.

Mainstream media & Twitter (at least my stream of it) not really in synch. On MSN the feature story I see is "Mayer talks candidly about Jessica Simpson".

Lately a number of high profile people have made news for making racially insensitive remarks. I could devote a blog just to that topic if I wanted to. Harry Reid is one prominent example, but I pretty much defended him whereas I’m ripping Mayer a new one. If Reid says "black" or "urban" rather than "negro", his incident is a non-story, a matter of semantics. If Mayer leaves out David Dukes I'm okay with his remarks, but he didn’t leave Dukes out.

If the interviewer asked about black women out of blue and perhaps took Mayer off guard, I’d say his only sin was trying to be too clever/cute in spur of the moment. But he broached the topic so I think his awful metaphor was preplanned, conceived in advance of interview to be worked in whenever he got the chance.

John Mayer is a songWRITER. Unlike some, maybe many, maybe most, WRITERS usually say what they mean & mean what they say.

Even when saying something tongue-in-cheek, your words are still your words. Always own up to them even when dumb, especially when dumb.

I'm throwing stones at John Mayer today, but by no means from a glass house. Since joining Twitter I've defended comments I didn't see as racist but others did, & criticized remarks some found acceptable that I found offensive.

There is no black & white when it comes to racism. Patches of Grey. Every situation has its own context. Various factors affect translation.

John Mayer eventually took to Twitter to defend himself, tweeting “And while I'm using today for looking at myself under harsh light, I think it's time to stop trying to be so raw in interviews...”

Then Mayer tweeted “It started as an attempt to not let the waves of criticism get to me, but it's gotten out of hand and I've created somewhat of a monster.”

My response to @johncmayer - While you're going on about the so called "N" word, John, don't forget 2 apologize for David Dukes reference & we'll then call it a day.

@johncmayer Do you want to play the guitar for people, John, or the world's smallest violin for yourself? This is worst apology ever. Man up or shut up.

For those who think it doesn't matter much what Mayer said, look at his follower count (3,035,344 as of this writing) . No doubt at least 5% of them are impressionable, no?

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Video of Mayer's public off-Twitter apology at a concert - http://tinyurl.com/y9nlnxc - Seems sincere enough even though I supspect he's still doesn't entirely get the point, being too caught up in feeling bad about the fact that he made people mad at him.

Tiger Woods Saga

One of the best things about Twitter is that it allows me to see a wide cross section of views on a hot topic at a glance. I follow a lot of people because I’m interested in learning plenty of opinions, particularly on the subjects of sports, politics, and social issues – especially regarding race relations. These are things that I read and wrote much about prior to discovering Twitter, but my exposure to the views of experts as well as the common man has been significantly increased by time spent reading op-ed. pieces of 140 characters or less.

In recent days the big story has been the mass infidelity of Tiger Woods. At a glance this doesn’t seem like it would be especially noteworthy. A major sports star has been unfaithful to his wife with a number of women. This is not exactly a shocking revelation, although this particular athlete had a squeaky clean reputation and plays a rather gentile sport, so even when single he was not a leading candidate from outside perspectives to be a womanizer. Yet the story has somehow blown up to near epic proportions. Common as the tale may be, we just can’t seem to get enough of it.

As tweets move down my timeline, one opinion I have seen echoed numerous times is that race is a major factor in the amount of attention being paid to Tiger’s situation. Many insist that if Tiger Woods was not married to a white woman, coverage of the story would be considerably less. I am not in agreement with this evaluation. One thing Twitter has demonstrated to me over and over again is that personal perspective and inclinations greatly affect how people translate and react to a story. A feminist will reach one conclusion, a misogynist quite another. Conservatives and liberals are not likely to see things the same way. One who frequently views issues through the prism of race will see matters differently than somebody who rarely thinks of our nation’s history of suppression and oppression. Religious beliefs dominate perspectives, as does the age of a person, as do various other factors. A single event will have multiple interpretations because multiple life experiences are brought to the table. This does not mean everybody is right. Sometimes one’s point of view causes them to see what isn’t there and to miss what is hidden in plain sight. In my opinion, this is what’s happening in the case of those who believe obsession over Tiger Woods’ troubles stems from the fact that he's a black man while his wife and the mistresses who have come out of the woodworks so far have all been white.

I am by no means color blind, but rather, one who fully understands that racism is not a plague we have banished by the election of a biracial president who by appearance we call a black man. This country has come a long way, but still has many miles to go. Yet another thing I recognize is that not every incident that involves people of different races is by definition a racial incident. Tiger Woods’ taste in women is heavily tilted towards Caucasian based on what we’ve seen, but this is certainly not the most fascinating thing we’ve learned about him over the past few days. I believe if his wife was African American and/or his mistresses were as well, sensationalism would still be in full effect for the following reasons.

1 – Tigers Woods is an international superstar, the best known and highest paid athlete in existence. This is in part due to race as I do not believe he’d be as heralded if he was an equally talented white golfer. Prior to his arrival on the scene golf was dominated by white men. Tiger literally made the sport a horse of a different color, expanding its fan base far beyond the pre-Tiger days. Very few people are more famous in America and worldwide than Tiger Woods. You have to go back to Bill Clinton to find someone with such a high profile involved in a similar scandal. Plenty of marriages involving celebrities have collapsed on account of infidelity between then and now, but none have featured equivalent star power. David Letterman’s exploits took us by surprise recently, but Letterman is no Tiger.

2 – Sex sells and this story has plenty of it. It seems a new mistress is revealed by the hour. A couple of them have even been porn stars, and the only thing that sells more than sex is pornographic sex. Plenty of steamy evidence has been provided in the form of text messages and voice mail, so it’s not as if everything is being left up to our imagination. Like the infamous Monica Lewinsky testimony we’re getting plenty of the gritty details and eating them all up.

3 – The pace at which new developments have arrived has been dizzying. First we’re learning Tiger Woods was in a car accident on his own property, either mildly or seriously injured. Within minutes conspiracy theories are being put out for scrutiny, and with good reason. The story Tiger tried to sell us was so weak that not even the most trusting person could fail to see the holes in it. Suddenly the breaking news was not about a car accident but about Tiger’s wife trying to go upside his head with a golf club on account of his infidelity. The name and photograph of a mistress is revealed, then another, then another, and on and on. By the time the number of women had hit double digits we were all hooked on an addictive soap opera. The race of the women is irrelevant. What matters is that someone who we thought was such a wonderful family man is in fact a super freak. The countless number of media outlets in operation today made sure the story was kept front and center and every which way we looked. Much of what has been written about the situation may in fact be inaccurate conjecture, but Tiger’s silence has refuted none of it so there’s nothing to do but watch his carefully crafted image be ripped to shreds.

If I’m going to read celebrity gossip I’d much rather it be about a legitimate celebrity than manufactured reality stars such as Jon and Kate. I’m not a golf fan, I don’t even consider it to be a sport so much as a game of skill, yet Tiger’s presence has been too monumental to ignore, his influence spanning the globe. Of course we care that he’s a man whore, that his goody two shoes act is a gigantic lie, that he is a world class hypocrite. Whatever your degree of fascination or disgust or disappointment or curiosity, Tiger isn’t the lead, middle and end story on every newscast because he’s a black man romantically and/or sexually involved with a variety of white women. Certain stories just grab us by the lapels and force us to take notice whether we want to care or not, and Tiger’s swift and dramtic fall from grace happens to be the latest one.

Tiger Tsunami #TOURChampionship pic.twitter.com/fBeA3OTtyY

— BigHeadBS (@BigHeadBS) September 23, 2018

🐅🏆 pic.twitter.com/Njz1nC8wUw

— Complex Sports (@ComplexSports) September 23, 2018

When someone says you can’t do something, don’t accept it, challenge it, use it as your fuel 🔥

Tiger Woods is living proof.pic.twitter.com/3LVvlXMh1F

— 🐐 (@eaglemoustache) April 14, 2019

Another Twitter Rant

My latest rant on Twitter that I decided to cobble together with a little editing and post here as a semi-cohesive piece was set in motion by the murder of Derrion Albert, may he rest in peace.

I don't have stats @ my disposal so no idea if cases of police brutality nationwide dropped after Rodney King beat down & subsequent riots.

But if the number did go down due to extra spotlight on such behavior, is there hope that Derrion Albert's murder will result in less "black on black crime"?

“Black on Black crime" is what Michael from Good Times would have referred to as a “white racist term”. People of every race rob people of every race. When everybody involved is white it doesn't automatically mean Madoff is one of them.

I understand why the term is used in certain situations, but ultimately it pigeonholes. "Urban" or "inner-city" should suffice.

Examples of circumstances where term BoB is used to describe a crime: 1) When a black person is especially dismayed/shamed by a crime. 2) Someone of a different race has intent to be derogatory.

RT @edthesportsfan "It'll take a humane effort nationally 2 invest in2 the innercity, the school system, and social reform of broken families."

Those three ingredients are interrelated, but the older I get the more apparent it becomes that 3rd component is most vital.

For those raised impoverished within a terrible education system, a certain % will still give a shit about their future. But if no stability @ home, no chance.

Young project girls having kids for sport results in children with minimal chance to escape cycle of absurdity.

No simple solution to problem. Election of Obama a nice step primarily for symbolism, but root of problem still untouched.

Smart education reform would be great, but even in ideal situation if lessons are not being reinforced @ home they'll go right out the window.

We need fatherhood & motherhood classes in the church & the community center & in school, mandatory in the latter.

If you go through the adoption process with a reputable agency you need to take courses & write essays proving your worth as a parent in advance of placement.

If you get knocked up or knock somebody up, no matter how unfit you are to be parents no one asks a single question beyond can u pay doctor bills.

Becoming a parent is the single most important job you'll ever attain yet vast majority get no advance training & many clearly need it.

Obviously sex ed. needs to go beyond "wear a condom". It should extend to "no condom was worn apparently, so what do you do now".

There are very basic things about parenting that a 15 y/o girl/mother simply will not realize through no fault of her own. Start with that.

Metaphor Alert: You can't start with asking someone to write a great novel or even to simply read a bad one. First things first - the alphabet must be learned.

There are people out there who figuratively & practically literally don't know the alphabet, so how can they possibly raise a child properly?

The conservative right will complain, but the truth is that high school is too late. I had interest/opportunity for sex way before high school.

Obama caught heat for suggesting what I did in prior tweet, but since he got away with it & was elected anyway, he may as well act on belief.

Ironically, the people most against something like sex ed. for inner city pre-teens are the ones who look down their noses @ result of no sex education.

A sad, inescapable fact of life is that a tragic percentage of improperly raised children will grow up to be monsters and take the lives of innocents.

I bet there was black on black violence during the days of slavery (not coincidentally, those days impact unbalanced present circumstances). And I'm sure slave owners did their best not to let it get out of hand for purely selfish reasons. Fast forward to the present and rather than an occurrence to make efforts to stop, it's often a throw away line used by whites to deflect from an unrelated atrocity. 1st guy: "Can you believe that cop killed a compliant unarmed black man?  How awful. We should protest such police brutality." 2nd guy: "But what about black on black crime?"  Me: "What about water on Mars or the decline of jazz infused hip hop or the merits of print over ebooks and vice versa?  But rather than getting into all that now can we please stick to one topic at a time? I believe 'guy killed needlessly by cop' still has the floor. And I suspect if you actually did give a damn about BoB crime you'd bring it up other times, not just when you're uncomfortable with the current subject."

Artwork provided by Erin Rogers Pickering

Are You Ready For Some Football?!!

I

conducted an informal poll on Twitter amongst ladies only in search of an answer to the following question. What is your favorite sport and why? Sports is supposed to be a guy thing, or at least it used to be. I talk to guys about sports all the time, a tradition passed down to me from my dad. Women allegedly have more profound conversations about feelings / emotions / yada yada. But it has become increasingly apparent to me that women have gotten into sports in a big way, not merely as casual fans, but die hard fanatics just like those of us in possession of the testosterone. So I posed my query and wondered if the leading vote getter would be baseball or basketball or football or golf or tennis or boxing? Turned out that either in spite or because of its violent aspects, the winner was NFL football by a landslide. See below for commentaries. I'm certainly not about to argue with them. I'll simply add -

Go Jets!!!!!

@bermudaonion I love college football!

@GFillustrator I’m late but vote for football.

@ltma nfl football. 1 reason is because of the high production values of the game broadcasts

@PigsknLvngLady #football #NFL It was the first sport taught to me by my brothers and hubby. I won't mention the players...good gawd! LOL

@TeeJay0122 Really late joining the poll and sounds like maybe football has it won, but just wanted to give my vote for boxing. I like to see the passion and fire in their eyes and determination to win. It could be looked at as barbaric but I guess that a lot of sports could really that makes contact...anyway just my two cent vote. :-)

@abetterjulie Baseball a serious first. Football a grudging second. Can't stand basketball. Baseball is just the best.

@thenflchick Football baby! #FOOTBALL #FOOTBALLL #FOOTBALL #FOOTBALL #FOOTBALL

@MDSteelerGal <-- this is a TRICK question, right? #football

@itsjustgoldie My vote is for basketball.

@girliesportsfan Baseball's my #1

@biblioaddict I'm going to have to debunk your theory and say that my favorite sport is football. I like the drama and action...Although, I do find it a little too violent sometimes. I think there are few things more dramatic than men tackling each other. Though I like basketball, it can't beat that. :)

@TamaraCG I am a big basketball fan but on your football point, it's complicated but you can enjoy it without knowing the details.

@MissChantelle It’s because of the ripped bodies in tight pants acting out in ultimate displays of masculinity. God bless football! Lol.

@pussreboots It's a toss up between baseball and golf. Aussie rules football is also fun to watch but it's hard to follow in the States.

@booknerds Football. By far. Particularly college.

@ScorpioDiva81 FOOTBALL!!!!! The ONLY sport that matters!

Well said, ladies.

Although football won fair and square I'll end this posting with a favorite quote of mine that happens to be by a woman about the sport that's still officially considered to be America's pastime.

"Saying that men talk about baseball in order to avoid talking about their feelings is the same as saying that women talk about their feelings in order to avoid talking about baseball."
--- Deborah Tannen

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Michael Jackson Memorial Service

Following is a series of thoughts that I had while watching the Michael Jackson memorial service online, expressed via comments of 140 characters or less on Twitter.

Hopefully Michael Jackson will be the final black person buried in this country who spent most of his days wishing he was white.

One can at least hope. By far this was the saddest part of his legacy. Fame & fortune & adulation were no match for MJ's racial insecurity

MJ's racial insecurity may have led directly to his death since addiction to drugs was result of addiction to unnecessary surgeries

I've personally known 1 black person who wanted to switch races and wasn't shy about saying so. He was racist against black people. Bizarre

Ironically, had Michael Jackson been born a white person he probably would not have become the SUPERSTAR that he came to be

In terms of popularity & influence I'd put Jackson up there with Ali & Jordan & Elvis at the top of the list. Tiger Woods gaining ground. [Obviously that last sentence was written prior to Tiger's implosion]

Michael Jackson was an amazing performer who will be sorely missed. He revolutionized musical entertainment.

That was the framework of his legacy. Much of the rest was a confused mess of sexual & racial identity issues

Yet I must repeat that I will miss him and pray that his departure from this world ended his torment. And I appreciate that he longed to “heal the world” even though he couldn’t figure out how to heal himself.

This nation's struggle with racial relations and identity is what led me to write Patches of Grey in what I've coined the "pre Obama era"

Once upon a time we were treated to the trinity of James Brown, Michael Jackson & Prince. Only one of them left now.

James Brown, Michael Jackson and Prince take turns on stage on a magical day in 1983.



As a writer I'm obviously a fan of well chosen words. There are a number of wicked lyrics spread throughout the body of MJ's work

“Deep In The Darkness Of Passion's Insanity -I Felt Taken By Lust's Strange Inhumanity - This Girl Was Persuasive - This Girl I Could Not Trust - The Girl Was Bad - The Girl Was Dangerous”

“I've learned that love's not possession & I've learned that love won't wait. I've learned that love needs expression but I learned too late”

Most if not all of those who believed MJ to be guilty of child molestation stopped supporting him regardless of their race

Retweet –“ I love when some Blacks speak for all Blacks about MJ. Black Telepathy Implant?” [Agreed. Only fried chicken luv covers all]

When I say all, I mean ALL. What the heck race must you belong to not to enjoy breaded, deep fried chicken? What is there not to love?

Even as Michael Jackson was having his skin bleached, dyed, peeled, whatever, I suspect he was munching on take-out from Popeyes. [This tweet and those preceding it were written prior to Magic Johnson’s KFC anecdote]

Berry Gordy got one thing very right. Lil MJ absolutely tore up Who's Loving You. That performance gets me every time I hear it

You will not make me weep at work, Stevie Wonder. Not going to happen. Time to close my door

Will Reverend Al inspire or agitate? We'll see. Probably the former on this occasion

Yep, Rev. Al was in the zone all right. "Wasn't nothing strange about your daddy. It was strange what he had to deal with. But he dealt with it."

I wish Miles Davis could return from dead right now to play Human Nature and do it true justice. John Mayer will have to do. Talk about mountain to molehill comparison

You can tell John is thinking of his next tweet as he plays. Just joking

Nice job by Mayer. You can't mess up a gem like human Nature if at all competent. Instrumental guitar was wise choice.

It's as if Michael Jackson wrote “Gone Too Soon” for his own funeral. Pretty common thought I'm assuming. Here’s another one. Nice job of performing it by Usher

Michael wisely advised us to 1st look at the man in the mirror b4 juding others. Sadly he thought man in his mirror was too tan & wide nosed

But today is not about his faults. It's about his legacy. You were magical, Michael

The Jackson brothers were boyhood idols of mine. Listening to Marlon now it's so clear that regardless of circumstances we're all just people

Michael Jackson's daughter just killed me

Paris' tribute to her dad http://tinyurl.com/mrohqd - a side of Michael that only she & her brothers knew

Cliché time - Unless you've walked mile in his shoes, if casting 1st stone from glass house - 2day u learned first and foremost that MJ was a man loved by his child

Brooke Shields gave a very touching testimony to "keeping it real" on behalf of her friend

MJ was an enigma, that's 4 sure. As Rev. Sharpton pointed out, he made it cool to be black, made Americans of other races comfortable about it

He also wrote Black or White, claiming it made no difference. Yet it sure seemed that he was very aware of & uncomfortable with his own skin

Smile people http://bit.ly/10Dgdm even if you aren't on Candid Camera

According to recent tweets 85% always idolized MJ, 10% mocked him, 5% were indifferent. In real life % of mockers was easily over 50%

Nothing like dying to bring fans back into the fold. I wonder if it will work for OJ if he's shanked in prison.

I suspect that 25% of anti-Michael Jackson tweets are coming from die-hard Farrah Fawcett fans. Just playing

Ok, Land of Short Attention Span. MJ memorial is over with, what's next to obsess over & tweet about? Better plan - go hug someone you love

- Roy

One Glove-One Love: Michael Jackson tribute

This flood of tender memories set forth by the sudden passing of Michael Jackson has taken me somewhat by surprise, setting my fingertips twittering away. Many things have been said about him by many people, but no truer words have been stated on the subject of the king of pop than these. He was like no one the world had ever seen before him. Below is a running commentary taken mostly from my statements on Twitter over the past couple days about a most amazing performer and fascinating individual. Whether you were a fan or not, surely you recognized that stars who shine so brightly come along very few and far between.

* Just turned my computer on and learned about death of Michael Jackson. My youth is officially done. One glove - One love.

* Two well known people in history, for better or worse, never gave up grasp on childhood. Michael Jackson was Peter Pan personified.

* He was rightfully considered by many to be a freak, but Tinseltown & Motown are both full of those. MJ's freaky side was simply more publicized than most. As for the horrendous criminal charges that were brought against him, innocent until guilt proven is the rule of our land. He was convicted of nothing. MJ probably was asexual, not a molester. As bizarre as he came to be seen, it was a strangeness accompanied by the aura of innocence.

* How will I remember Michael Jackson out of all his legendary images? That amazingly talented boy & young man who every black kid idolized.

* As a lover of music and musical performance I remember life before the video for Thriller, and then, the way we SAW music forever changed.

* The ultimate icons of my lifetime to date - Muhammad Ali, Michael Jordan, and Michael Jackson. Unlike the first two, the third one didn't get to fulfill his comeback.

* I will ALWAYS remember tribute show for Berry Gordy when the Jackson brothers performed & then gave way to breathtaking Michael Jackson solo performance.

* Have Friday off and finally getting to watch some Wimbeldon action on TV. More gray skies and raindrops outside. TV on mute with Thriller 25 on IPOD. Not a bad way to spend a day at all.

* http://bit.ly/XehtP Young Michael Jackson singing Ben live in Japan. So talented at such a young age. What a gift he was given, one that he certainly didn't squander.

* Did Michael Jackson set himself up to be the butt of jokes? Certainly. The skin lightening, cosmetic surgeries, feminine quality, eccentric behavior, and most damning, the child molestation accusations (which if he was guilty I say good riddance, but like I said before, I don't believe he was). I understand the urge by some to make jokes at his expense, particularly those who aren't huge fans of his music. But bottom line is that a single father of 3 kids died at 50. There simply is nothing funny about that. Feel free not to praise him, feel free not to miss him, but for at least a day or two, don't mock. Is that so much to ask for? Would you not want and expect the same courtesy?

* http://bit.ly/uljuz - Lisa Marie Presley speaks about MJ on her MySpace page. She has interesting, poignant things to say about the man she was once married to.

* Cranked MJ compilation this morning. Great way to get started on sunny day along with cup of coffee. No cuss words to guard my daughter's ears from. Then I went running with his music coming through headphones and although I'm not much of a runner, today I felt like I could keep my legs pumping forever, or at least until the last note.

* Favorite Michael Jackson memory: My first job was as a summer camp counselor. For final day ceremony we put on a show for parents. I was a counselor for kids 7-9. Boys & girls did separate routines. The girls adorably performed Stop in the Name of Love and the boys performed Dancing Machine. Those kids were great. The lead on Dancing Machine was a really talented little guy who did an amazing job of channeling Michael. Rehearsals were a blast and they came through like pros at the show.

* Yes, I once owned a replica of a Michael Jackson jacket received as a Christmas gift. I certainly wasn't the only one.

* Trip to visit family this weekend supposed to be an hour drive but time doubled due to heavy traffic. We found a radio station playing a Michael Jackson marathon so all was good. Easy to lose track of how much great music he produced in his lifetime of arrested boyhood and immeasurable talent.

Michael Jackson did not get to live in much peace but I sure hopes he gets to RIP.

Who are these people

I must confess that after a little fiddling around to figure out what the heck was going on I quickly became addicted to Twitter. Of course you've heard of it already so I won't bother to describe. Earlier today on the way to work a subject popped into my head that I thought might be interesting to "tweet" about. I knew my rant would go on for awhile, but that was fine because I'd only be posting in increments of 140 characters (including spaces and with minimal regard to grammar) or less at a time. Even those with the shortest of attention spans could tolerate such miniature bursts of prose if they chose to pay me any attention at all. Below is my sequence of 46 concise comments on the state of modern day celebrity, in case you missed a few on Twitter and wish to follow my train of inane thought from start to finish. Enjoy!

* I’ve decided 2 rant a series of tweets about the current state of American celebrityhood, if not for your amusement than @ least for my own.

* Preface: Years ago I chose not to closely follow college sports. Reason – too many damn teams to keep track of.

* I can handle the # of teams in AFC/NFC – American League/National League, Eastern Conference/Western Conference.

* But there’s like a million colleges in the USA. Too many teams, too many divisions, too many players, too many bowl games to keep track of.

* I figured the players who were good enough I’d eventually see in the pros. In the meantime, ESPN highlights of college careers sufficient.

* Celebrities are now like college teams IMHO. Too many damn many of them. The requirements for admittance are ridiculously lax.

* It used to be that to acquire pop culture fame you needed to regularly appear on TV or in movies or have a few hit songs.

* Celebrities once did things worth noting and paying attention to, which is how they became celebrities in the first place.

* Nowadays it seems about as easy to be considered a celebrity as it is to get a 500 SAT score. Talk about lowering the bar.

* The celebrity bar is on the friggin’ floor. Make a YouTube video, you’re a star. Appear on a “reality show”, you’re a star.

* Be related to at least one person who actually did something to become a legit celebrity, guess what, now you’re a celebrity too.

* Being a child of Rod Stewart for example should not be enough to be called a celebrity. At most it’s a good line to help get you laid.

* Being the child of 2 whole celebs like Bruce Willis & Demi Moore should make you WAY better looking than Rumer, but not worthy of a Wikipedia page.

* How many half actual celebrity parented – half groupie parented kids must there be out there? Do they all qualify for celebrity status too?

* If an NBA All Star has a dozen kids by a dozen random women, are there now 12 new people to potentially be on the cover of People magazine?

* For a few months for some godforsaken reason I became a regular reader of Perez Hilton’s blog. Hilton became a celebrity in his own right by “writing” about and obscenely doodling on photographs of so called celebrities.

* I’m not knocking Hilton’s hustle. He no doubt worked damn hard to put that blog together. He actually accomplished something.

* In fact, ridiculous as his existence may be, Hilton was doing way more than many of the people he was either fawning over or ridiculing.

* I’ll grant Perez his fame, but why should the guy who came in 10th on America’s Gotta Dance While Eating Prawns be considered a celebrity?

* The word “celebrity” has become totally devoid of legitimate meaning. Shouldn’t a talent and an accomplishment be involved?

* Gossip columns were intended to be devoted to people who did something worthy enough for us to actually care about what else they did.

* Is the married Spencer Tracy hooking up with Katherine Hepburn or is she still involved with Howard Hughes? Now THAT’S gossip.

* Spencer Tracy, Katherine Hepburn and Howard Hughes were each monumentally famous in their own rights, even more in collaboration.

* Is a cast member from Survivor Season 17 dating a cast member from The Apprentice Season 12? Maybe, maybe not, but who sincerely cares??!!!

* Apparently plenty of people DO care about mating rites of insta-celebs, which makes the appropriate question – Why? That one has me stumped.

* These hotel heiresses & reality show participants & game show contestants & kids of the formerly famous get all mixed together in my head.

* I stopped reading Hilton blog because I had no idea what Heidi Montag's done 2 make her worth repeatedly mentioning & didn't care 2 find out.

* What I do know is that there are a whole bunch people nowadays who are famous for being famous. That’s absurd, isn’t it? Or is it just me?

* Perhaps I’m just getting old. I want to remain in the loop of contemporary culture, but not if the loop is so flimsily constructed.

* I don’t mind reading about emerging movie or pop stars doing films & music I don’t care 4 because I can at least respect that they’re making something.

* Remember the flack Anna Kournikova took for getting way more endorsements & attention than her level of success warranted?

* At least Anna played tennis, won far more matches than she lost, even a couple titles. She didn’t just hold racquet & pose for camera at 1st.

* Being a Big Brother cast member is just sitting there holding a racquet. Nothing wrong with it but can we hold off on the Walk of Fame star?

* I’ve yet to see Zac Efron in anything but I know he acts/sings while being ridiculously pretty, and I can tolerate having this knowledge.

* Before he was Zac Efron he was Rob Lowe. Keith Partridge is now Hannah Montana. Different generation same principle, I get it.

* But why should I care about Jon & Kate and their 8? I’m 1 of 5, my mom 1 of 9, my dad 1 of 13. Not a single TV show resulted from any of this.

* And even if you do make it to TV, or to the internet which accepts everybody, that alone should not be enough to be considered a celebrity.

* Doesn’t the word celebrity imply that something is worth celebrating? Why would I celebrate someone becoming known for becoming known?

* Story on the ass size of daughter of the guy who defended O.J. appears directly next to story about volcano eruption that kills 2000. WTF?

* If side by side coverage was not the norm, existence of faux celebrities would fail to register & I’d have no complaint. But it is, so I do.

* The Maytag Repair man was on TV all the time but at no point did I know a damn thing about his sex life, and I was totally cool with that.

* Or maybe I really did want to know. Maybe I am subconsciously interested in the doings of those who have done little to nothing of note.

* Nah, that can’t be right. I’m much deeper than that. After all, I tweet therefore I am of significance.

* In fact, as of this tweet I declare myself a celebrity. Come see if you can snap my photo without getting slapped upside the head, paparazzi.