Ava Appelsawse

A post shared by Erin Rogers Pickering (@eringopaint) on Mar 7, 2017 at 11:39am PST

"The spice jars next in line to be used took up space in the kitchen. A great many more were on shelves in the basement, waiting their turn." ~ from The Absolutely Amazing Adventures of Ava Appelsawse (written by Roy L. Pickering Jr., illustrated by Erin Rogers Pickering)



My darling daughter, who turns 11 this year, reintroduced me to the world of children's books. Since I had already entered the world of book blogging, it made sense to merge the two endeavors. In March of 2009 I posted a collection of mini-reviews of books written for miniature people. I began the post with these words: Having a child means getting to experience the wonderful world of children's literature all over again. I've been pleased to find out over the past few years that not only are the old standards as charming as I remembered, but plenty of great new books for little ones were written while I was busy growing up. Reading to my daughter on a daily basis allows me to revisit tales I fondly recall and discover new ones along with her. 

Fast forward to 2017 and these days I don't do much reading aloud to my daughter since she now reads for herself. And yet the world of children's books continued to call out to me.  My daughter's bookshelves are still filled with the books I read to her in her earliest years. They are a constant reminder in our household of a more innocent time and style of prose.

Several years back I wrote what was intended to be a rhyming board book for toddlers and their exasperated parents. It was inspired by the trying experience of finding the right daycare facility for my daughter. It's not half bad in my opinion, but I'm no Dr. Seuss and was not strongly compelled to bring it to the light of day. Some writing projects are destined to remain tucked in a drawer. I put the story/poem away and any career as a children's book writer I might have was put on indefinite hold.

Instead I threw full energy into completion of my second novel, Matters of Convenience. I somewhat improbably continued to write A Line A Day blog posts on an irregular schedule. My daughter changed from my baby girl to a beautiful young lady. Instead of picking her up at daycare with fingers crossed that it was a good day, I'm now a coach of her middle school basketball team hoping she'll work more on her dribble while being impressed by her post game. Still, the siren's song of children's books could be heard in quiet moments. And so it was that one day I set pen (or was it pencil?) down to paper and started to write what would become THE ABSOLUTELY AMAZING ADVENTURES OF AVA APPELSAWSE.

It's often been suggested to me that I do a follow-up to a novel or short story I've written. I've resisted the urge because they were meant to be standalone tales, even if ending in a way that makes readers want to know more about the characters down the road. For the first time I am now tackling a sequel. The Absolutely Amazing Adventures of Ava Appelsawse was intended from the start to be a series. My wonderfully talented wife Erin Rogers Pickering is currently working on illustrations for the first installment while I have gotten started on book #2. Two and a half chapters of the first draft are done so far. I'm trying to figure out where the rest of the story is going, or else it will need to inform me. Either way works. 

Do you believe that We Need Diverse Books? I do. Do you believe greater emphasis by the publishing industry on promoting books told in Our Own Voices by writers from various backgrounds is important? I do. But lofty causes aside, ultimately my wife and I are two artists you may not have heard of (yet) with stories to tell through words and illustrations that we believe you and your little ones will connect with.

While I'm crafting the Ava Appelsawse sequel, stay tuned for updates on the first book in the series which is scheduled to publish whenever Erin and I can get our act sufficiently together. If you have kids, or know anyone with kids, or perhaps were once a kid yourself, then this is the book for you. And this time I'm not stopping at just one, not that I have a particular number of them in mind. The older I get the more things I realize I do not know...yet. I have no idea how many books and stories intended for various audiences are stored within me. But as a major milestone birthday approaches I am more determined than ever to put as many tales as possible out into the world and see how far they go. I hope you choose to accompany me on the journey.

"In a slightly crooked house with the address of 123 Oaktree Lane there lived a seven year old girl named Ava Appelsawse."




"It was excellent tomato sauce, possibly the best in the world, for it was made with love."

"Ava decided the hamster was a girl.  It did not disagree and also did not complain about its name, perhaps because this was the most interesting thing about her."

39/365 #365DaysofArt Hamster. Character sketches for the children's book my husband wrote. It's a family affair! #makemoreart #makearteveryday #draweveryday

A post shared by Erin Rogers Pickering (@eringopaint) on Jan 3, 2017 at 9:17am PST

Dear Bookworms

If you're looking for some guidance in picking your next book to read, perhaps the following reviews will be of assistance.

The Girl Who Fell from the Sky by Heidi W. Durrow
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This is a beautifully crafted tale by Heidi Durrow. It is about a girl who is haunted by events that shaped her destiny early on without her having much say in the matter. Events that are only vaguely remembered and yet continue to form the fabric of each passing day. A father who has vanished without a trace. A mother who left this world in the splashiest of ways, taking her own life along with those of her other children by leaping from the roof of a building. There is a witness and a survivor, and this book is the latter's story, as well as an examination of race. She is her father's black daughter and also her mother's white daughter. As result her racial identity is both and neither, dependent on how one sees her, or how she chooses to see herself on any given day. She is trapped in a past that won't let go, facing the future with much trepidation, because she already knows that if she takes a leap she will do so without wings. But that does not mean she won't survive, because along with her blackness and her whiteness and her status as one who has been taken in upon being abandoned, like a broken winged bird, she is also a proven survivor. The narrative moves back and forth in time and is told from multiple perspectives, revealing the back story to readers a layer at a time, in as random a manner as the markings of heredity. It is filled with tragedy and longing and loneliness and confusion. Good intentions and poor decisions do battle and cancel each other out. Yet beneath it all there is muted hope that wings may one day sprout.



View all my reviews Doctor Sleep by Stephen King
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Stephen King hasn't lost a step. A major key to his success is that if you strip away all of the spooky supernatural stuff, you'll find well developed characters who are easy to relate to, expert pacing, and no shortage of intriguing background stories and subplots. The inhuman demons who torment his protagonists may be what King's faithful readers come for, but the terror only works if those being terrorized are likable, and their behavior plausible. That's why it's easy enough for King to take breathers from the creepy and crawly to pen equally engaging stories set completely in our real world. But when he's ready to return to the darkness that resides in his mind, nobody does it better, and nobody can keep up with his pace. Doctor Sleep is a worthy follow-up to the magnificent The Shining.

22 books recommended by Stephen King since he has joined Twitter - http://www.aerogrammestudio.com/2014/...



View all my reviews Juliet, Naked by Nick Hornby
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This is my favorite of the Nick Hornby books I have read so far, though I should add that I have enjoyed the movie adaptations I've seen more than the books I've read. To date there has been no cross over of those two lists. I haven't read the book versions of the Hornby movies I've seen (High Fidelity, About a Boy, Fever Pitch), and have not seen movie versions of the books I've read (How to be Good, A Long Way Down, and now, Juliet, Naked). Apparently A Long Way Down has been made into a movie, so upon seeing it, at last I'll be able to compare novel to movie. But you're reading this primarily because you're interested in my opinion of Juliet, Naked - so I should get to that. I'm giving it 3-1/2 stars on my personal ratings scale, but since GoodReads does not allow for half stars, I'm rounding down to 3 here. I could have been more generous and gone up to 4, but I've given 4 out of 5 stars to some very impressive literary efforts. 3 stars feels more appropriate for this one. Hornby likes to write about things that people are passionate about in addition to or instead of other people. The obsession could be sports, perhaps a particular team. Or music, perhaps a particular band or artist. That last one describes Juliet, Naked. It gives us the story of a man who is fanatical about a singer/songwriter who has not released an album in 20 years. The last album that Tucker Crowe did release is a musical holy grail to Duncan. He devotes countless hours sharing conspiracy theories about Crowe's life and music with fellow devotees on the internet. Duncan's long time girlfriend appreciates Tucker's music as well, but is more or less along for Duncan's single focus ride. Duncan and Annie are not particularly passionate about each other, and this has been the case since the beginning of their relationship rather than the result of affection dwindling over the ravages of time. They got together because in the small town they live in, they made more sense together than being with anyone else. Over the course of the book Tucker transitions from being a distant object of idolatry to a person that Annie corresponds with via email, and eventually, a flesh and blood person in their actual lives. Duncan has never had feelings for Annie comparable to his intensity of emotional reaction to Tucker's music. Nothing personal against her, as Duncan doesn't seem capable of feeling strongly towards anyone. By the story's end, Annie is perhaps finally ready to form a relationship based on desire rather than convenience of location. As for Tucker, he thinks primarily about himself and the mess he has made of his life while also managing to be a decent father to his youngest child. Towards the end of the book Tucker reflects that a considerable amount of significant events have taken place in a relatively short amount of time, yet he feels mostly unchanged by them. Likewise, I'm feeling unchanged by this book. Yet I have to say that it was an enjoyable and interesting read. Hornby characters think about themselves and others and their circumstances and their obsessions in entertaining fashion. It doesn't much matter what does or does not take place during your visit with them. Either way you're glad you stopped by.



View all my reviews Where Monsters Dwell by Jørgen Brekke
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

I was underwhelmed. Perhaps something was lost in the translation but the writing in this book didn't strike me as good enough to make it past form rejection letters from agents/publishers. Yet this didn't stop it from being published and apparently becoming an international best seller. How that happened is a much bigger mystery to me than the one solved between the front and back covers.



President of the Whole Fifth Grade by Sherri Winston
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

There is plenty in this book that I found to like. It features an ambitious African American girl who sets no limitations on her future. Those ambitions are not superficial things like being a movie star or pop star, or hoping to marry her favorite movie/pop star. Not only does she have serious entrepreneurial aspirations but also practical plans for how to begin moving towards them. It starts with becoming President of her grade at school. Enter a conniving rival who is willing to stoop as low as necessary to throw a monkey wrench in these plans. Enter an ally who encourages her to put ambition ahead of ethics. Eventually Brianna learns that ambition is as noble as the path one takes to to make their dreams come true. If success comes at the expense of losing loyal friends and losing respect for yourself, can it be considered true success? Brianna Justice's attitude towards education is refreshing. Learning is promoted as interesting and fun rather than imposed drudgery. This is a girl with a good head on her shoulders and eyes firmly set on the prize. I applaud the messages of this story but feel that the execution could have been a little tighter. There was also one too many easily found "deep dark secrets" lying around for convenient plot machination. I'm not the intended audience of this book though. My 8 year old daughter loved it from beginning to end. There's much to be said for satisfying your target reader above and beyond anyone else. #WeNeedDiverseBooks

View all my reviews


Care to enter a contest to win a book?

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Patches Of Grey

by Roy L. Pickering Jr.

Giveaway ends October 31, 2014.
See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Although a descendant of Christopher Columbus may attempt to take credit for this discovery, let it be known that I am the one who is informing you that the Kindle edition of PATCHES OF GREY is free at Amazon 10/24 -10-25.

I personally read books like the people depicted below.

And I enjoy reading with the mood set just right and essential props at my disposal.

Sneak peek at illustration of main character from series of children's books I'm working on with a super talented... http://t.co/j24lWbAreH
— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) October 9, 2014

Q and A: #AuthorInterview

Favorite All-Time Read: That has never been an easy question for me to answer.  For now I will cheat and say it is a tie between Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez and The World According to Garp by John Irving, with The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz nipping at their heels.

Who do you consider your author crush? See my answer to first question.  If I must pick only one I will say John Irving since he is the only one of the three I have met.  The other major literary hero/crush I have been fortunate enough to stand face to face with is August Wilson.  Two gargantuan talents who were kind and generous to me.

What do you like most about this author? There are a great many things to admire about the prose of John Irving.  I will say his greatest talent is laying out goals for his main characters to strive for in a manner that puts you in their skin, making you feel the urgency and desperation, causing you to share the exhilaration of the moment of triumph upon arrival, if indeed it does arrive.  Otherwise, experience the despair of coming up short as if it was happening to you.

How big of a reader were you, growing up? I was an extremely avid reader as a kid and that habit remains undiminished.  Shortly before Thanksgiving last year I gave #ReaderThanks on Twitter (where I go by the name @authorofpatches) to Beverly Cleary, Donald J. Sobol and Jules Verne for being amongst the first to fuel my fire for stories. 

As an adult reader, what genre do you tend to read the most?

Literary fiction, but I certainly do not restrict myself to it.  I have two rules for myself as a reader.  Read often...Read varied.  This not only keeps things fresh as a lover of stories created by others but is also invaluable to me as a writer.  The influences on my writing come from many sources.  When it comes to reading, what I seek are good books.  This is not technically a genre, but perhaps it should be. 

Do you have to be in a certain mood to write?

I do not.  Certainly there are times when I feel more creative than other occasions.  I am more of a night owl than a morning person and this extends to my pen hand.  But there is no telling when the muse will strike, and if I must summon her I will do so rather than waiting for her to show up.  A writer writes as much as possible.  The more I am writing, the happier I am.  It is also a very effective diet plan because when immersed in writing I tend to neglect getting around to eating.

And do you have an ideal writing space?

Not really.  I have a lovely writing desk in my attic that I have not sat down to write at in ages.  These days I am much more likely to be found writing on my couch, or at my dining table, or on the train to or from work, or at my 9-5 corporate desk, or on a park bench.  One of my favorite writing experiences was scribbling a short story while sitting at a loud and crowded bar.  It happened to be an outdoor bar, but when walls surround me my mind is no more confined than when they do not.

Preference of genre to write in?

The first full length novels to enthrall me were those by Jules Verne.  I rapidly went through 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Journey to the Center of the Earth, Around the World in 80 Days.  I have read many more science fiction novels since.  Yet when it comes to stories of my own creation, I am most comfortable writing about people here on earth dealing with situations and emotions we can all relate to.  On any given day depending on who was asked about which story of mine, I suppose it could be called literary fiction, or mainstream, or contemporary, or upmarket commercial, or ethnic/African-American.

How did the inspiration for Patches of Grey come about?

To date the sparks for my novels have come in the form of a question that I felt compelled to fully explore.  With Patches of Grey the question had to do with self identity.  People fit certain descriptions and to varying degrees allow this circumstance to determine how they see themselves.  Of the various descriptors placed on us, race is one that I am especially intrigued by.  We do not choose it.  The ways in which it differentiates us from those of another origin are primarily cosmetic, at least at a glance.  But the ways in which it determines how we view the world and our desires and our prospects are often potent.  These issues are what set me off to writing about a young man coming to terms with how to define himself, and with how others see or fail to see him, regardless of what he does to influence perspective. 

There are times when aspiring authors come face to face with rejection. Do you have any counsel on how they can handle such moments?

Shrug it off. If you are lucky enough to get helpful feedback rather than a form rejection letter with zero personalization to it, consider yourself lucky and be sure to consider the advice.  But you are the final judge so feel free to ignore what does not strike you as being true.  It is your story.  Write it as best as it can be written, which will mean plenty of rewriting, but you alone must declare what readers will get to see.  Rejection of your writing does not mean that it is not any good.  It does not mean your dream has been killed.  It is simply the fork in the road.  Take it. If you do not find this answer sufficient motivation to keep on keeping on, check out my blog post HANDLING REJECTION FOR DUMMIES – I MEAN WRITERS

How do you deal with writer's block?  I write until it goes away, which must mean it was never truly there to begin with.  That uneasy feeling must have merely been garden variety laziness.

Do you have a writing process that you adhere to? Not really.  Unless you call staring at a blank piece of paper or white box on computer screen until my fingers start moving a “process”.  Once they do start moving, the only way I know of to write a novel is to first put down everything that comes to mind, followed by twisting and shaping and reshaping the unwieldy first draft down to its essence.

Shorter works seem to be in vogue more than ever.  Do you think that more and more authors will go that route such as you did with your ebook novella Feeding the Squirrels?

Attention spans are decreasing daily it seems.  The internet has a lot to do with that.  It used to be that publishing a novella was much more difficult than publishing a novel because publishers did not really get to charge much less for a novella in order to turn a profit.  So readers might feel ripped off by paying just as much for considerably less word count.  But we live in a new day, a largely electronic one, and people seem to have less free time than ever even though days continue to be the same 24 hours long.  This has provided an opening for greater receptivity to short stories and novellas.  None of this is why I wrote Feeding the Squirrels or why it was published in e-format.  That is simply how things worked themselves out.  I had no idea I was writing a novella at the time.  I was working on a literary experiment, a series of short stories that each featured the same lead character, and eventually I figured out a way to link them and form a whole.  It is a novella that like life itself, happened while I was busy making other plans.

Is there an aspect of being a published author that you enjoy more than anything else?

I love reading what somebody else (perhaps a reviewer I submitted to, maybe someone who picked my book up and gave it a chance) thought about the result of my hours of toil - most especially when they are enthusiastic about it.  Every so often someone says something that causes me to look at my writing in a new manner and it brings forth a smile from deep within.

A writer's life has its ups, downs and sideways. How can they best deal with those times?

Go and write some more.

Do you think social media and overall web marketing are the most powerful tools in promoting a book?

The most powerful tool in promoting a book continues to be writing a really good one that leads to positive word of mouth that catches on like wildfire.  The author has little control over this process after the writing a really good book part.  Social media and web marketing offer some of that control, so authors would be foolish not to partake.  Unless of course they have already managed to garner positive word of mouth that caught on like wildfire and led to plenty of people buying and reading their books, in which case they can get involved with social media as much or as little as they want.  But just about everybody is embracing facebook/twitter/instagram/whatever these days, including those who seemed to think social media was just a passing fad not so long ago.  If you can't prove them wrong, join in the fun.  There's room enough for everybody.

You've published over 50 short stories in journals and magazines. How do you know when a story is a short story or when it warrants a whole novel?

Do you think that short stories are a good way for writers to hone their craft?

I always have a pretty good idea in advance how long a story is going to be, and that of course determines whether it will be called a novel or a short story.  Today I cannot imagine being a writer who does not work in both formats.  I took on the challenge of novel writing before tackling short stories.  Prior to enrolling in a short story writing course in college I believed that I only had BIG stories inside of me.  A short story seemed nearly impossible.  Confining myself to just a few pages was a daunting task, but I gave it a shot since a grade depended on it, and I got the hang of it.  The best part of writing a tale is finishing it, and this can be done much more quickly and often with a short story than a novel.  It is not like I consider short story writing as practice for writing novels however.  They are very different from each other – and very much the same.  I advise young writers to try anything and everything, and then stick with what they love best.

How can an aspiring author get better at writing, whether the intention is to write a short story or to write entire novels?  This is another question that I addressed at my blog A Line A Day in the posting, Advice to Aspiring Authors.  Truth be told, there is only one way to get any good at writing.  Read a lot, write a lot, repeat steps 1 – 2 over and over and over again.

How can authors better prepare themselves prior to publication?

Read a lot, write a lot, repeat steps 1 – 2 over and over and over again.  Also check out some of the advice that is out there for writers.  There is certainly no shortage of it.  Much is even free.  A lot of it is repetitive and obvious.  But every so often you will discover a nugget that had not occurred to you that may end up being quite helpful.  Then go back to reading a lot and writing a lot.

What are some of the things you wished you had known before you published your first book?

I knew EVERYTHING there was to know, which is to say I knew not only that I wanted to be a writer, but that I had to be a writer because a writer is what I am.  Only thing left was to prove it by writing.  In order to work up the courage to lay my soul on the page for random people to pick over, I needed to believe I had something valuable to say and that there were others who would agree.   I understood some other essential things to be true and have learned a great deal more over the years, but what I knew from day one is what truly mattered.  I had to write.

What are your thoughts on critique groups and beta readers?

I have used both over the years to varying degrees of satisfaction.  It is of great value to let other pairs of eyes read what you have written.  Find some who are unbiased, select one of two who may be partial but are also honest.  But again, it is your story, you are the one with final say on how it ends up being told.  Best of luck with telling it well, and with it catching on like wildfire.

What do you have coming up next for readers?

I recently completed my second full length novel – Matters of Convenience.  Snippets from it can befound at the Pinterest board I created and an excerpt posted at my blog A Line A Day during composition of the first draft is located HERE.  Next up will be recording myself reading an excerpt from it.  Yet to be determined is by which method I will bring Matters of Convenience to the light of day.  Perhaps I will land a deal with one of the Big 5 Publishers or a smaller independent publisher.  Maybe I will join a cooperative of independent authors working together as a mini publishing house.  Or once again I may opt to go it alone and simultaneously wear the hats of author, art director, copy editor, publicist, marketing department, mailroom guy, etc. etc.  Going it alone will not be particularly lonely since enlisting the aid of many people will be necessary to help me spread the word.  We shall see.  I also recently completed the first installment in a planned children's book series.  If I end up going the DIY route for them, it will be in collaboration with my extremely talented wife Erin Rogers Pickering who will serve as the illustrator.  No matter how things work themselves out, I am eager to get more of my work out there and I am preparing for all that will entail.  And I am looking forward to hearing what readers have to say.


Kindle edition of Patches of Grey will be available for free 10/24 - 10/25.

If you wish to take a shot at winning a copy of the print edition, enter the contest at Goodreads:

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Patches Of Grey

by Roy L. Pickering Jr.

Giveaway ends October 31, 2014.
See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

So there is no shortage of opportunities to obtain a copy of Patches of Grey for free in October of 2014.
But if you are one those who has already bought or is planning to spend a little hard earned money to purchase it, you have my deep gratitude.  Happy Reading!

"No, she did not steal the air from his lungs and the beat from his heart the way Audrey had. Yet there was a... http://t.co/davx1sBEyM
— Roy Pickering (@AuthorofPatches) September 29, 2014

Bookish Stuff

I don't have much to say here today.  I was simply inspired to present a bunch of bookish stuff for your enjoyment.  I'll probably return to this post periodically and add new material as I stumble upon it.  It will take you a little while to listen to these many words of wisdom and beauty, so I suggest getting started right away.  RIP to the literary giants we have recently lost.  But their words will of course live on forever.  After all, that's one of the main reasons writers put pen to paper.




















Where Are the People of Color in Children’s Books?

Literary Geniuses Who Happen To Be Super Hot

Wait, they forgot a hottie...

100 Greatest Novels of AllTime (according to Robert Crum in 2003)


Story that highlights absurd cowardice and lack of innovative thinking by today’s publishing industry

Cool informational illustrations by By James Gulliver Hancock:


Hemingway

Tolstoy

Wilde

Be sure to check out my reconstruction of RoyPickering.net

Contemplation of Adultery - #ShortStorySunday

CONTEMPLATION OF ADULTERY

                    BY R0Y L. PICKERING JR.

     I am a happily married man.

     Oh sure, it's tempting.  I can't sit here and honestly say that if the situation were to arise, I wouldn't even consider it.  Take now for instance.  The woman seated across the bar from me is flat out gorgeous.  It's hard not to notice a thing like that.  And she's been checking me out.  It's hard not to notice a thing like that either.  Every twenty seconds or so she glances my way.  I could have this woman, I know I could.  I can feel it with every fiber of my being.  But like I said ...

     Where the hell is James?  He was supposed to meet me here at seven, and it's already a quarter after.  Big shocker.  In the eight years James and I have been best friends, not once has he been on time.  I usually show up about fifteen minutes early for appointments, even when they’re with James.  You'd think in eight years I would have learned my lesson, but I arrived here at exactly 6:45.  So now there is nothing for me to do but wait.

     Not that I've particularly minded today.  The bartender here makes a great margarita, the jukebox is the best in the city, and perhaps the most beautiful woman I have ever seen is shamelessly flirting with me.  A night with her would be incredible to say the least.

     But I have a devoted wife at home who I promised in church before several dozen friends and relatives to love, honor, and not screw around on.  Plus, we have a kid.  He'll be three years old in a couple of months.  It won't be too long before I can get Barry Jr. into little league.

     My life is what you would call comfortable.  Comfortable and normal.  Conventional, that's the word I'm looking for.  I have a nine to five white collar job which I hate, but it's too late to get out, so I'll just have to move up.  I live in a quiet suburban neighborhood in a pleasant looking little house, paying an astronomical mortgage for the privilege.  Unless I'm drafted by an NBA team in desperate need of a five foot nine point guard who can't dribble, or else I happen to pick the right six numbers on a lottery ticket, I'll be paying it off until I'm too old to chew my food.  Sharon and I haven't made definite plans for more children, but before her clock stops ticking we'll probably have 1.8 more.  We do after all have the proverbial Jones family to keep up with.

     My hair continues to be gray-less, ever so slightly receded, but bald patches have yet to appear.  No stationwagon or mini-van inhabits my garage, not that the vehicle I drive would ever be mistaken for a Ferrari.  I’m still most comfortable in jeans and a tee shirt, just like when I was a teenager.  I continue to play pick up basketball games in the park when time allows, no matter that these days I'm almost always the slowest player on the court.  Thanks to those games I'm relatively up to date in the slang terminology of the day, a source of pointless pride.  In short, I'm not a kid anymore, but nor have I quite turned into my parents.

     If only there was some way I could think of to quell this steadily increasing restlessness.  Maybe everybody my age feels like this.  No, James doesn't.  Maybe everyone my age with a wife, a kid, a mortgage, and a mind numbing job.  That must be it.  I'm carrying around all this adult baggage, but I don't' remember wanting, or planning, or asking to become a grown-up.  It seems like only months ago when I would have been proofed to get into this place.  But it was years ago.  My God, it was a decade ago.

     One thing I do know for certain is this. All the adventure can not already be gone from life. Maybe I'm a little too old for fraternity parties and spring break.  I could live without praying to the porcelain god every Friday night after chugging one too many plastic cups of beer.  I’ve been around the block enough times to recognize with minimal angst that my favorite dreams will not be coming to fruition.  I'm never going to win a Cy Young award, save the word in an action movie, or perform in front of my adoring fans at Madison Square Garden.  And I'm okay with that.  Still, there has to be more in my future than a few promotions, a few kids, retirement, grandkids, and death.  There just has to be.

     I should have been with more women.  Perhaps that's what it comes down to.  Too many wild oats burning a hole in my shorts because I didn't sow them when I had the chance.  I'm not a bad looking guy.  I had a few casual flings back in my college days.  But no more than can be counted on two hands with a few fingers left over.  If I had only been more aggressive, more confident, I'm sure I could have at least doubled the number.  But I wasn't, so I didn't, and that's that.  I met Sharon a couple years after graduation.  We immediately committed to a monogamous relationship, and within two years we were exchanging a matching set of "I do's". I don't remember the name of the last woman I was with pre-Sharon. I vaguely recall what she looked like, the fact that she was drunk as was I, and that a good time was had by all in the extra large closet sized space I called my bachelor pad.  The last fling I had, that I'll ever have. I was just shy of 25 years old.

     Maybe I'll flash a smile at this woman across the bar from me. I have been told that it's my best feature.  If she doesn't smile back, I won't give the matter another thought. There's no commandment against smiling.  A little flirting never harmed anyone.  Married or not, it's good to know that at least a few members of the opposite sex, spouse not included, find you attractive.  Mankind needs to feel validated every now and then.  Vanity is what separates us from the beasts.  Vanity and credit cards.

     Yep, I was right.  She's definitely into to me.  She returned my serve of a coy grin with a hard volley of pearly whites.  I'm at a precipice.  I can do nothing but sip my drink, shoot the breeze for a couple of hours once James shows up, and then go home to my wife and child.  Or I can take a step forward, a step towards this woman, knowing that once I do, there's no turning back.

     My body is serving as a battleground for the war being fought between my hormones and Catholic guilt.  This woman is devastating, and growing more so with every sip I take.  Her form fitting dress is accentuating in remarkable detail every curve God blessed her with.  She doesn't have an ounce of fat on her.  I could have almost said that about Sharon at one time, but her body never did bounce fully back after having Derrick.  Not that she's overweight or out of shape.  She just doesn't look quite like this Barbie proportioned she-devil.

     I love Sharon dearly.  That love has taken sides with the guilt complex.  The last thing I want to do is betray her trust.  I couldn't bear knowing how hurt she would be if I were to have an affair.  She would be destroyed, and she would never forgive me, and the comfort, and warmth, and safety of my present existence would be annihilated.

     Nevertheless, I find myself feeling sometimes that when I committed myself to Sharon, I gave up other things that life may have been planning to offer.  And I wonder if those things would have turned out to be better than what I settled for.

     No, that's the wrong choice of word.  Sharon is a wonderful woman.  I consider myself lucky, blessed to have a woman like her by my side.  A woman who swept an insecure young man off his feet and subsequently produced a son I adore.  I certainly did not settle.  But still, I can't help wondering, and longing.  I know they say the grass is always greener.  James for example, with his various girlfriends and casual liaisons, still envies me, or claims to anyway.  All in all I have a damn good life, one which it would be very foolish of me to jeopardize.  At this moment though, these potent facts are being overwhelmed by a single primeval urge.  I want to climb that mythical fence and mow that sumptuous grass.

     My mind is made up.  I'm going to talk to her.  My ability to speak comfortably to attractive women has improved vastly from my stumbling, bumbling college days. But I've had woefully few opportunities to display this hard earned talent, and only in practice drills, no real emergencies.  When I'm done with the smooth talk we'll go to her place, or any place with a mattress, and proceed to turn a fantasy into reality.  I will live one last adventure, make the final addition to my erotic memoir.  It will be just this one time, but oh what a time it shall be.

     As for Sharon, I'll have to rely on the old adage.  What she doesn't know can't and won't hurt her.  If the woman before me were any less than an absolute goddess, I would certainly refrain.  But her exquisite perfection has flipped the switch on my self-control.  I have become a temporary slave to my desire.  Starting from tomorrow I will be the model husband for the rest of my days.  As for tonight ...

     Man, I really thought I was bluffing myself.  As much as I had worked myself up, I was in fact convinced that this woman would become nothing more than who I visualize when I make love to my wife on the nights we manage to put aside for extracurricular activity. But I am off the barstool and on my feet.  I am walking towards her. I am taking action, commanding my destiny, seizing the day, and all that other good stuff.  Hey!  Some guy has cut in front of me.  He has gone right up to my woman as if I don’t even exist.

     "Hey, stranger," he says.

     "Hi, lover," she responds.  I shake my head to unscramble the words I’m hearing so they might make sense.

     "Sorry it took me so long," the man says smugly.  When your girlfriend looks like his does, everything out of your mouth is smug.

     "Better late than never."

     "You ready to go?" he asks.  Despite the completeness of my heterosexual nature, I cannot help but notice how annoyingly handsome the guy is.  I truly hate him.

     "Almost.  Just let me finish my drink."

     "I will if you give me some sugar first."

     I can't believe my eyes.  After all this mental masturbation, I find myself standing idly by as some GQ cover photo come to life rams his tongue down my dream girl's throat.  Ain't life something?

     "Hey Barry, what's up?  Sorry I'm late."

     "Like hell you are, James."  I return to my seat and down my drink in one swig.  "This round is on you.  I'll have a margarita with a shot of tequila on the side.  Make that two shots."

     "Sounds like you've had a rough day."

     "The roughest."

     In the end I'm sure I would have walked right past her, gone to the bathroom or thrown some money into the jukebox.  It's nice to daydream from time to time, but priority number one is the reality of my life, not saloon inspired wet dreams.  A beautiful wife, a great kid, a job with some potential if I work my ass off, which I'll have to if I intend to ever pay off my mortgage.  What I have is the envy of many.  Don't I know it.

     Had things worked out the way I was fantasizing, it would have been the biggest mistake I ever made.  All that guilt consuming me. I never would have been able to hide it from Sharon.  I don't have the constitution to keep so big a secret from showing in my eyes.  That's why I'm positive I would have just walked on by.  Well maybe not 100% positive, but pretty sure.

     After all, I am a happily married man.