Fatherhood and Black History Month

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Some recent thoughts of mine about fatherhood and February (aka Black History Month), originally expressed 140 characters or less at a time on Twitter.

Looking forward to teaching my daughter (who I last wrote about here) about some black heroes in February & beyond. At 3 she's smarter than she should be, a learning machine.

Her daycare has done a nice job of teaching more than ABC 123. She comes home talking about recycling & Haiti & Martin Luther King's dream. Way to go!

Still, her mom & I are her primary teachers as all good parents should be. Kids pick up everything so must be careful what info is put down.

Parenting a little kid is as much about re-teaching nonsense she picks up than about passing on knowledge of our choice.

The only President of the United States my daughter has ever heard of and knows anything about is a black man. How cool is that?

Actually that's not totally true. She's also fascinated by George Washington because he's on money, we drive over GW bridge regularly to visit family, & on account of his wooden teeth.

Ultimately I want to teach her that there should be no need for a month dedicated to black history, it's a year round thing to be proud about.

And while she happens to be black, I want her to know this fact is a segment of how she is defined, not the full scope of her world view.

I've taught her that music education begins with Stevie Wonder & Bob Marley, not because they're black but because, well, you've heard them so you know why.

I teach my daughter nothing is beyond reach or too good for her. No restrictions or barriers to her success. And that I'm the boss...for now.

My daughter has yet to express interest in becoming a doctor, lawyer, CEO or POTUS. For now a princess with a pink castle will do as top goal.

Prior to Tiana [star of The Princess & the Frog in case you're wondering] the princesses she saw (mostly courtesy of Disney) were fair skinned with long straight hair and rather wimpy, waiting on Prince Charming to come and save the day.

Eventually I found fairy tale book series by Jump at the Sun. Yeah, ownership can be traced to Disney, but a step in right direction.

After finding Jump at the Sun books (which cover fairy tales we’re all familiar with, but characters made black) I discovered HBO's Happily Ever After. International flavor.

So now my daughter has the option of seeing her favorite fairy tales told in multi-cultural fashion, with narration by Robert "Benson" Guillaume.

My daughter knows that presidents and princesses and Barbie dolls can and do come in a variety of shades, way more than I knew at her age.

If I was a dad in 1950 or '60 I'd have to work overtime to instill black pride at home because the world outside our door would reinforce opposite. 2010 is easier yet more complex to negotiate.

Rather than strictly praising blackness I'll need to focus on teaching that intelligence/creativity/self-esteem = beauty before she comes to associate beauty with booty shaking video sirens.

Right now America kinda promotes "black is beautiful" one month a year, but hip hop videos & housewives of Whore-ville are year round 24/7.

I'm smart enough to know the allure of the latest cleavage & belly baring pop star will blow away tidbits about Frederick Douglass.

But if I do my job early & well enough I'll give her a fighting chance to distinguish between flash & substance, self-worth & crafted image.

And as the praised images you'll find available for purchase by clicking on the link at the end of this sentence show, she'll know she's a princess by her own shifting definition of what true royalty is - http://tinyurl.com/ylxjv3m

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Artwork provided courtesy of Erin Go Paint

MY BLACK HISTORY MONTH PINTEREST BOARD

Another Twitter Rant

My latest rant on Twitter that I decided to cobble together with a little editing and post here as a semi-cohesive piece was set in motion by the murder of Derrion Albert, may he rest in peace.

I don't have stats @ my disposal so no idea if cases of police brutality nationwide dropped after Rodney King beat down & subsequent riots.

But if the number did go down due to extra spotlight on such behavior, is there hope that Derrion Albert's murder will result in less "black on black crime"?

“Black on Black crime" is what Michael from Good Times would have referred to as a “white racist term”. People of every race rob people of every race. When everybody involved is white it doesn't automatically mean Madoff is one of them.

I understand why the term is used in certain situations, but ultimately it pigeonholes. "Urban" or "inner-city" should suffice.

Examples of circumstances where term BoB is used to describe a crime: 1) When a black person is especially dismayed/shamed by a crime. 2) Someone of a different race has intent to be derogatory.

RT @edthesportsfan "It'll take a humane effort nationally 2 invest in2 the innercity, the school system, and social reform of broken families."

Those three ingredients are interrelated, but the older I get the more apparent it becomes that 3rd component is most vital.

For those raised impoverished within a terrible education system, a certain % will still give a shit about their future. But if no stability @ home, no chance.

Young project girls having kids for sport results in children with minimal chance to escape cycle of absurdity.

No simple solution to problem. Election of Obama a nice step primarily for symbolism, but root of problem still untouched.

Smart education reform would be great, but even in ideal situation if lessons are not being reinforced @ home they'll go right out the window.

We need fatherhood & motherhood classes in the church & the community center & in school, mandatory in the latter.

If you go through the adoption process with a reputable agency you need to take courses & write essays proving your worth as a parent in advance of placement.

If you get knocked up or knock somebody up, no matter how unfit you are to be parents no one asks a single question beyond can u pay doctor bills.

Becoming a parent is the single most important job you'll ever attain yet vast majority get no advance training & many clearly need it.

Obviously sex ed. needs to go beyond "wear a condom". It should extend to "no condom was worn apparently, so what do you do now".

There are very basic things about parenting that a 15 y/o girl/mother simply will not realize through no fault of her own. Start with that.

Metaphor Alert: You can't start with asking someone to write a great novel or even to simply read a bad one. First things first - the alphabet must be learned.

There are people out there who figuratively & practically literally don't know the alphabet, so how can they possibly raise a child properly?

The conservative right will complain, but the truth is that high school is too late. I had interest/opportunity for sex way before high school.

Obama caught heat for suggesting what I did in prior tweet, but since he got away with it & was elected anyway, he may as well act on belief.

Ironically, the people most against something like sex ed. for inner city pre-teens are the ones who look down their noses @ result of no sex education.

A sad, inescapable fact of life is that a tragic percentage of improperly raised children will grow up to be monsters and take the lives of innocents.

I bet there was black on black violence during the days of slavery (not coincidentally, those days impact unbalanced present circumstances). And I'm sure slave owners did their best not to let it get out of hand for purely selfish reasons. Fast forward to the present and rather than an occurrence to make efforts to stop, it's often a throw away line used by whites to deflect from an unrelated atrocity. 1st guy: "Can you believe that cop killed a compliant unarmed black man?  How awful. We should protest such police brutality." 2nd guy: "But what about black on black crime?"  Me: "What about water on Mars or the decline of jazz infused hip hop or the merits of print over ebooks and vice versa?  But rather than getting into all that now can we please stick to one topic at a time? I believe 'guy killed needlessly by cop' still has the floor. And I suspect if you actually did give a damn about BoB crime you'd bring it up other times, not just when you're uncomfortable with the current subject."

Artwork provided by Erin Rogers Pickering

My Second Childhood

Having a child means getting to experience the wonderful world of children's literature all over again. I've been pleased to find out over the past few years that not only are the old standards as charming as I remembered, but plenty of great new books for little ones were written while I was busy growing up. Reading to my daughter on a daily basis allows me to revisit tales I fondly recall and discover new ones along with her. Here is a collection of books that my daughter my wife and I have found to be particularly delightful.


Wolf’s Coming - Cute twist at the end, and I'll say no more so not to spoil it for you. Wolf's Coming is like Hitchcock for toddlers who come in with expectations created by The Three Little Pigs, Little Red Riding Hood, and other wolf as villain tales.

Wild Baby - If you have a free spirited child who does not yet comprehend the concept of sitting still, this book will delight.

When I Was Little - Adorable. My daughter loves to reminisce about the 3 years of her life so far, making our connection to this book instantaneous.

Waking Up Wendell - A cleverly crafted book that takes children on a delightful trip down a charming street.

Tummy Girl - A joyous celebration of little girlhood.

This Jazz Man - A masterful introduction to jazz for little ones.

There’s A Cow in the Road - Lindbergh does a wonderful job building up the amusement level as you read along from a smile to a giggle to hearty laughter.

Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born - What they loved hearing the first time children want to hear again and again and again. And this is a book they will love having read to them again and again. Jamie Lee Curtis has far surpassed her solid acting career with her writing career. 

A Sound Like Someone Trying Not to Make a Sound - I'm a big fan of John Irving and loved the idea that he had written a children's book, giving my daughter a chance to become one of his fans as well at quite the young age. She typically makes it very clear which books are among her favorites. Mr. Irving and the very talented illustrator he worked with passed her test even though it is not the typical all ends on the happiest of notes children's book. My wife commented as I read it the first time that it might give our daughter nightmares. I can't say if it did or not, but when asked how her sleep time went the next morning her response was a novel and surprising - "interesting".

Sing-Along Song - So enjoyable to read/sing this book aloud.

The Runaway Pumpkin - I have just as much if not more fun reading the rumbling, tumbling prose of this book to my daughter as she does having it read to her.

The Quilt Story - A comforting, endearing read about a comforting, durable possession.

The Perfect Nest - Those like myself who enjoy coming up with a variety of different voices for the characters in read-aloud books will appreciate the material Catherine Friend provides here. Your rapt listening audience will be equally pleased.

Over the Moon - Katz' prose for children always soars over the moon and straight into the heart. Her "flip the flap" books were amongst the earliest titles we read to our daughter as an infant, and when she grew older this lovely tale awaited us.

Nighty Night, Sleep Sleeps - My daughter is a talented sleep avoider who gets a major kick out of books that feature other little ones who fight fight fight against the dying of the light. This book is the latest in that genre to tickle her funny bone, and any book that brings her such obvious delight gets major kudos from me.

My Lucky Day - Sure to be adored by all little tricksters in training.

A Mother for Choco - This book about the search for HOME & FAMILY is sweeter than syrup poured on top of honey and sugar.

Llama Llama Mad at Mama - Those who have tantrum throwing children and the kids doing the tantrum throwing will all find this book to be utterly adorable.

Little Bunny’s Sleepless Night - A natural choice for bedtime reading that is sure to become an instant favorite.

Ladybug Girl - A smile inducing book about the power of imagination and ability to entertain and define yourself that is so critical for children to develop.

Jenny Found a Penny - My daughter insisted on ownership of her very own piggy bank after this delightful book was read to her.

Jazzy Miz Mozetta - Tough to refrain from bopping your head along with the rhythm of this gem of a read.

I Like Myself! - A charming early tutorial in rhyme on the topic of self esteem.

I Feel a Foot - A puzzle, a mystery, and a lushly illustrated tale all wrapped into one. Everyone's perceptions are colored by their own personal perspective, which is an interesting concept for any book to cover, and a delightfully surprising one to be taught by a children's book. Apparently this story is a retelling of an old classic, but it was new to me so I was as charmed by it as my daughter.

The Chicken-Chasing Queen of Lamar County - Reads like soulful poetry with a playful spirit.

Charlie Cook’s Favorite Book - A delightful ode to literature with all sorts of surprises cleverly hidden throughout the pages. Each reading you'll discover something new.

The Bunnies Are Not In Their Beds - Adorable story about bed/sleep evading bunnies that is adored by my little bunny. 

Bob - A legitimate "laugh out loud with your toddler" story. This charming book was a hit from page one on.

Big Words for Little People - A winner by Jamie Lee Curtis and her collaborator geared for toddlers like my own who are almost too smart for their own good.



Find more kid book reviews at SECOND CHILDHOOD CONTINUED




"Children are made readers on the laps of their parents." — Emilie Buchwald

Introduction to Us

To blog or not to blog? For my wife and I, the answer to this question was an emphatic YES, followed immediately and diligently by procrastination. Days tend to be pretty full when you're both working full time and coming home to a lively infant on the verge of becoming a high speed toddler. There are only so many hours in the day, and they all seem to be accounted for with a variety of mundane but necessary tasks. During Ava's colicky prime, on the many nights when she would wake up every couple hours between midnight and dawn to remind us of her presence, the thought of extracurricular activity was ludicrous. The only extra that we craved, particularly my wife Erin who shouldered the bulk of the late hours load, was sleep.

Lately though, the concept of sleeping through the night is one that our daughter somewhat regularly embraces. As for the never ending list of chores to be done, having a good system makes them a tad less overwhelming. We don't quite have that system in place yet, but with experience we have slowly but surely improved our time management, making the notion of writing a blog slightly less daunting. And so here I sit, scribbling our introductory note to the world, or at least to the World Wide Web which is close enough. We have no idea who will find their way here, so will leave that for fate for decide. But whoever reads these words may want to know what has brought Erin and I to the world of blogging. A paraphrase of one of our favorite quotes provides the motive - "A line a day".

You see, Erin and I are both artists. She is a painter and I am a writer. We knew when we got married three years ago that our lives would dramatically change. It was our intention to go from urban apartment dwellers to suburban home owners, and that we did. We agreed to blossom our partnership of two into a family, and after a sometimes brutal and sometimes hilarious period of battling the fertility gods, we happily went the adoption route. We talked frequently about chronicling our experiences during this eventful time, but never quite got around to it. When you're in the process of being poked and prodded, making love in a closet sized room to a cup, and then abandoning that craziness in favor of voluntarily undergoing the Inquisition to prove your worth as future parents, it can take quite a toll on the creative process.

All worked out perfectly in the end. We have a great house in a wonderful community filled with great neighbors, and Ava is the realization of our most beautiful dream. It is so amazing to watch her learn about the world around her, and to learn from the process of being her parents. But the purpose of this blog is not to tell our life story, which you now know several of the highlights of. It is not to blather on about our neighborhood activities, or our house projects, or even to brag about our precocious daughter. These are subjects that we will probably touch on from time to time, but they are peripheral to our main objective. What Erin and I are here for is to make good on the promise we made to ourselves and each other. As stated before and bears repeating, Erin is a painter. I am a writer. Neither of us makes a living at these endeavors, yet it is how we ultimately define ourselves. Without a pen or keypad, my sense of self is lost. Without a paintbrush or pencil in hand, Erin is still a beautiful and compassionate woman whom I love with all my heart. But she would not be the woman that I pledged to spend my life with. She would be someone else. Neither of us wants to be someone else. We want to remain committed to the aspirations that have sustained us for most of our lives. We want to tell stories with words and brushstrokes. Our wish is for the pages and canvases of our lives to be routinely covered with the magic that only we can make.

It is much too easy and common to give up on your dreams. The far more difficult and worthwhile path is to rage against the machine of inertia. No doubt there are others out there who seek inspiration and motivation to continue their own noble pursuits. Perhaps by striving to provide this for those who happen by, we will simultaneously re-discover it for ourselves. John Lennon once wisely noted that life is what happens while you're busy making other plans. Other plans can be all consuming, but Erin and I refuse to be gobbled alive. Instead we will live, she through her painting and I through my writing, and both of us through each other and Ava and whatever other miracles the future may have in store. This blog will be the testament to our will power. Here you will find our opinions, observations, theories and philosophies about the things we are most passionate about. And above all else, you will discover our art.

Goodbye for now. We are off to create stories and pictures that will hopefully add to the beauty of the world.

- Roy L. Pickering Jr.


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I will leave the writing to Roy since he makes magic with words, but want to give some insight to my images and where I am at. The bottom line is I did no painting in 2006 and it left me feeling disconnected and growly. The longer I went without creating, the more the nightmares came. I think I will be a better person, wife and mother if I am faithful to my desire to create art. With all that went on last year that, and also including a surgery, a few subsequent health scares, and my monthly out of town business trips, I simply could not find the time or energy. 2007 will be different.

We made a promise to each other and ourselves to post new work to our blog every 2 weeks. I am hoping the deadline will help me to carve out time each day, even if it's a struggle, to work on an illustration or painting. So far so good. I started the ink tiger portrait on Jan 1st and have worked on it almost daily since... even if only for 20 minutes a day after all the daily chores are done and I am set up for the next day. It is small format so completion feels attainable. I am following the format for an ACEO which stands for "Art Cards, Editions and Originals".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artist_trading_cards

These cards are 3.5 inches by 2.5 inches - the size of a trading card. My goal is to complete a series of 6 animal portraits before moving on to my next subject. The cards will be put up for auction on ebay.

Thanks for visiting and being part of our creative process.

- Erin Rogers Pickering